So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
