I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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