Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
