there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
