This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
