I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
