Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
