we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
