Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
