I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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