if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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