I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
