You just made me feel so damn special
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
