Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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