so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
