Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
