Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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