I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
