Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
