I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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