Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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