So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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