just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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