We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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