Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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