There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
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He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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