I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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