he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
