I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
