We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
