I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
