i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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