The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
