dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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