ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
