I'm eating all of the evidence.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Randomize
