dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
