my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
