just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
