You were right. It hurts to walk today.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
