I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
