Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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