i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
