I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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