Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
