Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
