the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
