dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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