how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I see more hoeing in ur future
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
