at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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