Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
