If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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