Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
