Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
