shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
