I love black thongs
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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