Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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