My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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