another moral hangover. fuck.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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