around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
