my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The struggles of a small town man whore
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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