Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
