somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
