yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
