the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
