I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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