it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
