You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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