Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
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I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
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Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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